a poem about love

feelings?
no no 
no no no no
nononononononono
why am i smiling right now
wow that’s really dumb of me
no

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i want a big dog and a bigger house in san francisco and enough money to shop in that haberdashery near little italy but mainly i want a change in the weather because i hate eating when it is so hot outside but also i mainly want to stop wanting because holy shit my life is wonderful and i am leaving for tahoe in two days to spend time in the water with friends and i don’t need to worry about the bay or dollars or ab muscles because i am so so so happy right this minute.

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Boy with a broken soul; heart with a gaping hole. [Cabal&Hannibal Crossover, 3600 words]

indubitablyjohannescabal:

“It has never been about the attention.”
“Hasn’t it, though?”
“I prefer to attract the least amount of attention as possible.”
“My good man, we both know that’s not quite the case.”
And it was unclear who had spoken first, or who had sipped his wine after the smallest of smirks, because they had trapped each other and themselves in this charade, and Johannes had been warned by his brother about therapists, and he had been warned by his mother about men like this one, men who hide who they really are and are as dangerous as they don’t appear to be, and he blatantly ignored them all, taking another bite of the enticing appetizer in front of him.
Hannibal Lecter poured them both another glass of blood-red wine. They might’ve toasted something, but not something cliche, like their health or happiness, but to a darker creature, one they were both a bit afraid to acknowledge.

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therealstephanien:

Scenes like that with Autumn today in class remind me that 

holy crap i love acting

other people surprised me and i surprised myself even though i never thought i’d give up control enough to let that happen and i feel like i have fireflies in my veins and because of them i threw tortillas around the house and fell on the ground and acted so so terribly silly and happy because honestly i can laugh and joke and scream and flail all i want but this is something i’m going to do and now it feels more sacred than impossible.
ditto to you always, darling. we must must must work together again.
AND WE GET TO PERFORM THAT SCENE FOR THE FINAL, WHAT UP

it is wednesday. it is wednesday which means it is almost thursday. it is wednesday and my lighting teacher is bringing us donuts. it is wednesday and i get to perform a scene that scares me but maybe is also a little bit exciting too. it is wednesday and there are two good friends sleeping at my house.
it is wednesday and the only way i’m going to make it through this week is if i think of the little things.

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i have hiccups.
i have hiccups and it is two in the morning.
i have hiccups and it is two in the morning and tech starts tomorrow.
but mainly i’m ready to stop being so scared of everything.