why am i scared to breathe and why am i so angered by the bruises on your skin and why am i unwilling to let myself heal and why am i unable to yell at you and why are you so kind and
but really, why did i ever leave my bed in ashland?

i want a big dog and a bigger house in san francisco and enough money to shop in that haberdashery near little italy but mainly i want a change in the weather because i hate eating when it is so hot outside but also i mainly want to stop wanting because holy shit my life is wonderful and i am leaving for tahoe in two days to spend time in the water with friends and i don’t need to worry about the bay or dollars or ab muscles because i am so so so happy right this minute.

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i have hiccups.
i have hiccups and it is two in the morning.
i have hiccups and it is two in the morning and tech starts tomorrow.
but mainly i’m ready to stop being so scared of everything.

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shy and tired-eyed am i today.

i have no rhyme or reason or time or inclination or motivation or suppression or ability or inability or logical answer as to why i still have feelings for you, which is why it makes me angrier than anything else. 

GO TO BED AUTUMN YOU HAVE 8:30 AM CLASSES JESUS

i’ll sit and wonder of every love that could’ve been
if i’d only thought of something charming to say. 

okay, yeah, nope, even after 18 years, i still hate bugs.

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just so you know, i am loving every bit of everything.

just so you know, i am loving every bit of everything.

autumn, go to bed, you have 8 am classes this quarter.