as you go journeying.

because tumblr’s drunk and isn’t letting me publish messages:

agh, thank you! i’m not quite sure how to respond to this, save that i am so happy things have worked out for me like this. i could be home working and taking online classes, still trying to be an english teacher. but instead i’m doing theatre, theatre, for godsakes, i dress up and play pretend every day and this is exactly where i want/need to be right now, and i never ever take it for granted, but sometimes i get so bogged down. 
thank you for reminding me to take a moment and remember everything i’ve lucked into and worked hard for. i hope you are just as pleased with your life too! 

well, it’s sort of what i’ve classified myself as; i’m mainly just big. not in a bad way, but i’m nearly 5’11’, and even if i were in tip-top shape, toned and slimmed just a bit, i would still have broad shoulders and a 40-inch hip measurement. i dunno, i’ve never had a doctor say i have big bones, it’s just my own personal assumption, given that i’ve pretty much been bigger than all of my friends all my life.
but thank you for makin’ a gal feel special by saying you’ve never noticed. :) 

geese geese geese. quirks. hm.
1. i’m a lip and nail biter. chronic. when i’m bored, rather than worried.
2. i clean like a maniac when i need to take my mind off things.
3. i cook like a maniac when i’m happy.
oh god i can never think of quirks when asked about them help
4. i walk really really fast, like i’m always on a mission.
5. i hold open doors a lot
6. i crack my neck and back, but i refuse to crack my knuckles.
oh god were those quirky enough? 

oh god i knew someone was going to ask me this one because i thought about it and said ‘psssh, there’s no way i own 5 shiny things i like’
1. my grandmother’s blue topaz ring
2. my diamond treble clef necklace from my senior year musical
3. my celtic cross necklace with emeralds
4. various coloured gemstone stud earrings (though the pearls are by far my favourite, go figure)
5. my black glitter toms karen bought me last christmas! 

fine! my phone’s screen quit halfway through, which is why i haven’t texted anybody. but i am home in california!

This was the original guesstimate Jonathan L. Howard had tweeted about, eons ago. It’s doubtful to still be true, unfortunately. I’m sorry to have gotten your hopes up, I wish it was the actual release date!

I KNOW, WHEN I WAS WRITING HIM, I WANTED TO DIE SERIOUSLY
(for anyone who would like to read my terrible terrible choice to make the eldest cabal evil, here is where you should look) 

5. A picture with someone you love.









i think i love too many people.

11. A picture of you & your best friend
see above pictures. (except exclude dan donohue, i just love his acting, we’re not best friends even though that’d be pretty wonderful) 

12. A picture of you today

just worked on my monologue pretty much all day, wearin’ comfy clothes and watching big bang theory now. 

4. A picture of you when you were little
oh god i don’t think i have many childhood pictures on my computer or in ashland at all, hm.
this was the furthest back i could go; age 11, 5th grade. i’m obviously the tubby ginger. also, that’s the shortest my hair has ever been. never again.

8. A picture that your hair looks nice in

prom, senior year. it was old hollywood-themed, so i got some loose sorta kinda fingerwave curls, the lady did a nice job. it only held for an hour because my hair is satan, but it sure looked nice at first! 

that IS a good ship name. though i feel like our ship name has to include hiddleston…

7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? 
most of the time, those are one in the same with me, but it will always be the one i trust the most that hurts the most. i have friends i love dearly, but i don’t trust them as much as others; the friends i do trust, i rely on and care for so much that i would be devastated if they hurt me. so, it’d have to be the one i love the most. if i couldn’t trust them, then so be it. i shouldn’t be loving them anyway, no matter how much it sucks.
13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? 
uhm, hm. i’m honestly not sure! i’m fairly blunt when i tell people things, so i’m never sure how difficult honesty is for me. probably when my mother and i were having a deeper discussion about romney. i felt awkward, just saying that i cannot vote for romney ever ever, and me sort of feeling like she still might, just because he’s mormon. which is a bit not good. i love my mother dearly, but romney’s a jackass.

aaaaaannnnnddd here was my answer for 25, answered a couple asks ago!:
25.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? 
i would probably wish for a relief from monetary issues, for me and my entire family. it’s just such a stress on all of us, always. i don’t want to be rich, by no means. but i want my family to be able to pay bills and still have enough money to do a fun thing or two, you know? a comfortable living, or a living that will allow a progression of a dream. like my sister and brother, they’re trying to get some of their productions recognized, but without better camera equipment or entrance fee money, it won’t happen. something like that.

sure, i’m comfortable! i’m just not sure i really have one, like an epiphany of one or something.
i fell in love with my best friend, who happened to be a girl, in 8th grade. we were together, on and off, until last november.
i was raised mormon. our relationship was secret, and the entire story of it still sort of is, unless people ask me. i’m not ashamed of it anymore, but because i was so terrified to tell my parents, not many people know i’m anything but straight. 
i told my mother around junior year, after all the shit with prop 8 (a law banning gay marriage in california) had gone down and i had sat through sermons and speeches and men speaking words that made my stomach burn and my eyes ache and my limbs heavy, like i was being crushed. my mother said she was disappointed, but she would always love me.
i’m not really sure i consider myself bi. i’ve hesitantly classified myself as a demisexual, which means i am only attracted to people i’ve known forever and am completely comfortable with. i’ve dated two people, both still close friends to me, one girl, one guy. i’ve never had sex, because the whole idea makes me uncomfortable. which is why i’m hesitant to call myself ‘demi’ rather than just ‘a’ sexual. 
i really feel like i should reach out to other people struggling with their sexuality in a religious environment; i wish i had had more people in my life that could say ‘stand up and walk out on those mormons, please.’, because those were the most terrifying, heart-wrenching years of my life, and that’s what i should’ve done. i was lucky to have parents that were kind enough to not kick me out of the house or anything worse than that.
so, long story short, i just sort of fell into demisexuality. i’ve been told all my life that i’m intimidating and scary to approach, so i guess the first person to say they loved me for who i was got my heart and me, as i am. and that first person happened to be a girl.

22. Are you old fashioned?
i adore big band music. i want black and white checkerboard tile in my kitchen. i feel at home in a corset. i snap at men who slap my ass or hit on me for being a redhead. i would like to raise a family in a silly little white picket fence home. i’m really all over the place in how i act and feel, but generally, i’m not from this century.
EDIT: however, i refuse to return to the political ideals of treating women/homosexuals/any races other than white like shit. just to clear that up.

25.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
i would probably wish for a relief from monetary issues, for me and my entire family. it’s just such a stress on all of us, always. i don’t want to be rich, by no means. but i want my family to be able to pay bills and still have enough money to do a fun thing or two, you know? a comfortable living, or a living that will allow a progression of a dream. like my sister and brother, they’re trying to get some of their productions recognized, but without better camera equipment or entrance fee money, it won’t happen. something like that.

miss you too sloth! see you soon. :D

4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
i don’t think i’d be able to keep it a secret, honestly, it’d be too much for me to bear on my own, no matter how much i think i could. besides, i wouldn’t really want to keep that from the people closest to me. i’d probably travel, if i could. i’d be bloody terrified, but i’d live, not shut down. 

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
probably acting, honestly. it’d be the hardest to give up because it’s what i want to do for the rest of my life. i mean, sure, i’d figure something else out, but i’d hate never stepping foot on a stage as an actor again. 

i miss you too, sloth sloth sloth. i shall see you soon!